By
Scott Shaw
As you may or may not know, I am a
bit of a bibliophile. I collect books. My main quest is for rare Eastern
Metaphysical and spiritually based writings. In any case, I came upon a book
being offered online created around photographs of my teacher, Swami
Satchidananda, titled, Sri Swami Satchidananda: Portrait of a Modern Sage. I
was drawn to the book for two reasons, it was signed and it was a hardcover
copy which is apparently hard to come by. It was bit pricy, but whatever, I
bought it. The fact is, I never even knew about this book. It was published in
1996 but I guess I just never came across a copy.
In any case, I ordered it and it
arrived. I unpack it and I opened it up to a random page. Damn, there I am! A
photograph with me, the L.A. crew, and Gurudev on page 135. I was both
extremely happy and shocked. I obviously knew about this photograph and I
clearly remember the day it was taken. But wow, what a flood of memories.
Swami Satchidananda and his
teachings were a very essential part of my adolescent years, early adult years,
and my spiritual upbringing. I have written about experiences I had with him in
various other places, most notably in the book, Zen: Tales from the Journey.
But, to be cast back like this, it was quite a happy shock.
Above that photograph is another
photograph where it is the back of the disciple’s heads, as Gurudev was in the
foreground. My head is there too. But, you’d only know it if you knew what the
back of my long blonde-haired head looked like back then. :-) That photo was
taken during one of the very intimate satsangs we would have with him on
Saturday nights at the ashram in Santa Barbara when he was in town.
I was Swami Satchidananda’s soundman
for a number of years. Back then, spirituality was very high on the minds of
the masses. (Not now). So, he used to give a lot of lectures. I would pack my
equipment up in my Dodge van and travel to, set up, and recorder the words
he spoke. Man, so many memories from those experiences… He was a wise teacher.
At these small satsangs, however, he didn’t need a mic. I did record some of
them for posterity but not all. Obviously, the one portrayed in the photograph,
I did not.
I really think if you truly hope to
learn anything from a teacher you need to develop a personal relationship with
them. You really need to be close enough to them to come to understand who they
truly are. From this, you gain the complex understanding of what it takes to be
a good human being, while remaining centered on spirituality. Too many people,
I believe, cast their faith to those that are unmeetable as they are no longer
in their human body. From this, myth is born. Is myth the truth? Usually
not.
A couple of pages deeper in the
book, page 138, if you look really hard you can see me again in and amongst the
disciples. It was outside on a rainy day and it was the inauguration of the
Santa Barbara ashram. My face is partially blocked by another disciple but my
IYI (integral Yoga Institute) friend Hari is behind me, Uma is a bit in front.
Shiva was in the photo as was Jadhana, and the list goes on. The funny thing
is, at least to me, is that in the photograph all eyes are on Gurudev but I was
obviously saying something to the girl I had brought with me, Carol. A girl who
I had met at the Sufi Dances and was totally infatuated with at the time. I
thought if there was a woman worth giving up bramacharya for, she was it. :-) I
joked to a person I showed the book to, “All
eyes were on the guru but my eyes were on the girl.” That’s funny now but
back then I was seriously devolved to the formal spiritual lifestyle. If you
feel like it, you can read a story about that day, and my interaction with that
girl and the spiritual group, also in the book, Zen: Tales from the Journey.
Those were good and important times
for me…
The last time I actually interacted
with Gurudev was when I was twenty-four. By this point I had fallen away from
the IYI as I felt the people in control of the group had become a little bit
too full of themselves. I had gone to India, did what I did there, had returned
and was going to grad school. It had been a few years but, out of the blue, I
received a call from Padma asking me if I would/could do the sound for a
lecture Gurudev was giving. I accepted.
I got the equipment together,
brought my beautiful Spanish via Cuba girlfriend with me, (yes, I had left
bramacharya behind), and it was an overall great experience. It had been a few
years since I had seen Gurudev by that point and he kept joking, “Who’s this,
who's this,” in regard to me. The day went as the day went. I never saw him in
person again.
It was a great memory churner to
discover this book. I am sure that there are a lot of other photographs out
there of me in association with Gurudev—photographs I will probably never see.
Me, I never carried a camera back then. Just living in the moment and all… But,
the memories are there.
From my point of view, most people
just pass through their life, grabbing at whatever they can to keep themselves
in a state of unsecured momentary happiness. They move from one thing to the
next, one desire to the next, attempting to hold on to something that they
cannot define. Few people attempt to find deeper meaning. I think that is sad.
I believe that you must first know yourself, then study yourself, removing as
many obstacles and bad qualities from yourself as possible, and then move
forward into the greater MORE. How you do this, is your choice. For me, at
least in my early years, it was defined by Swami Satchidanada and the Sufi
Order.
Life is a funny thing. But, if we do
not attempt to make ourselves more and better and do good things for other
people, what does it all mean?
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You can also find this article on Scott Shaw.com @ Swamiji and Me
